This is how I can live, how you can live

July 06, 2019

Sometime I forget how to put smile on my face. How to push my self to care about other, how to think how important relationship is, how important being part of humanity and society.

Mostly, I always put myself as victim, victim of what I'm saying and what I want to be. I always cursing myself for being weak, whatever happen to me, no matter how hurt it is, I should not show it.

My mom said, it's okay to be not okay, we can't make everyone happy, we can't make every person in our life stay forever and last, etc.

That beautiful words always burning in my vein. That's beautiful words are the most naive words I ever known. But that makes me live until now. I was born as naive person. I raised become naive person and I'm live in it.

When people trying to hurt me, do I have to hurt them back? No, I can't. All I can say and feel, it's okay, it's just a bad day not a bad life. It happen and happen again, some how I got envy to people who can be mad cause being hurt. Why I can't do that?

I have same feeling, when they hurt me, I want to give it back twice. I want to curse them. But, if I do the same, what makes me different from them? Become worse from person I hate.

Speaking of hate, I push my self to not hating any people. Even to people who hurt you so much. If you hate them, it means you still have feeling to them, you still have to give your time, attention to treat them. 

Instead of hating people, I leave them behind. They're no longer my cup of tea. What I need to focus is, loving back people who treat me well and love me well. I don't have time to hating people or even leave my single feeling to those people. Wasting.

Since I was naive, it doesn't mean I'm stupid. I know what to do and how to do. All I need is, just have to embrace what happen to me and be grateful for everything that happen. See? Don't be surprise how naive I am.

Now, I'm enjoying my time for being like this. We can't go back and turn the time, keep your head up and keep moving forward. This is how I can live. 

To whoever read this, don't be fool or stupid to end your life. Who said your life is wasting. Who said that, until make you want to give up? Shut the fuck up. They don't deserve your feeling of being useless. 

I'm no one, not princess, daughter of royal family, I'm just ordinary. Just like you. If I can survive how cruel this life would be, then why you can't?

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