A story of broken hearted girl

May 06, 2019

Have you ever felt that expectations did not work together with reality? It feels disappointed, want to be angry but don't know who to be angry with. This is a story about a broken hearted girl. Not interesting and waste your time. But allow me tell you this story, in a good way.

Night is too good to say this. "Lid, seems like we can not continue this relationship. This is best decision for us," he said. Wait, what? Can you repeat?

I wish it was April mob but it's May already. I wish it was dream but I can slap my hand and it hurts.

I remember what I learned in communication science. One of rules in communication; irreversible. Something that has been said, can't be taken anymore. It's 2.AM by the way, I tried so hard to sleep but my mind keep talking.

What happened? Are you hit by car and something happen with your brain, so you forgot all memories that we've been trough? How could you... I don't understand.

Yes, it's irritating me. Questioning why people's feeling could change that fast. Yesterday he said I promise I will protect you, but tonight he said let's be apart. 

Crying in my room. My heart keep yelling can we go back, can we go back, is there any chance for us to go back and fix... and then, I realized. 

We can't make people stay in our side for last and foreverWhy we be so naive? We can not rely on people who leave us. Promise is just words that can be broken anytime, you can't predict. We can't forced people to stay with us, even we know it's hard to let it go.

If food can be expired, that you think love can't? We just need to embrace it. 

I don't even know why I'm so naive. I want to break window and through my self, wondering how it feel if I jump from this building. But back again, for what? This is not the end of the world, right? The night king already died, no zombie will haunting us, thanks to Arya btw.

Now, I just need to enjoy this feeling. This beautiful broken feeling. The way I cried, the way I should improve myself to be better person. The way I have to leave my past and move on. The way how crazy I am, how mad I am, to trying understand this is real.

This is a moment that will, I'm sure, I laughed later. A moment when I cried crazily in front of barista who made my coffee, even the barista change the playlist from indie to EDM just want to help me. A moment that I will forget which for now, again, I need to embrace it as beautiful pain as I can feel.

Well, anyway, all I need to say is thank you for what we've been trough together in past months. There's nothing, one single thing, that I regret. If I can travel time, I won't erase the day when I fallen in love with you even know it will end like this. No one I can blame of, all I need to do is respect how people change.

So, to whoever read this. Relationship is like nano-nano candy. Up and down, bad and good, sweet and bitter, come and go. All you need to do, just be who you are and embrace your feeling. It's ok to be not okay, we're not part of Avengers squad, we're not a hero, we're just ordinary human.

Wish me luck. I'm trying to pass this process soon. Thank you for read this, it means a lot. Wherever you are, have a wonderful day. What I believe. Rain will stop and change to rainbow. Every single thing in this world happen for a reason. 

5 May 2019, written by 23 y.o girl with her broken feeling.

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