We should ask them to get out

July 07, 2019

This last two weeks, I locked myself in my room. I went to office Monday-Friday and don't have any plan for weekend. Don't go anywhere or even ask friends to go out for coffee or talk. I'm testing myself, will there anybody ask me to get out without starting any attention to them.

What I'm doing, I just saw their stories on Instagram and scrolling down my Twitter timeline with their complaining for no reason. I spent my time mostly watching Youtube or enjoying my self with Netflix. Or just sleep without feeling sleepy and put my headset listening my Spotify playlist.

I push my self, how I can live like really really in lonely point. I want to push how far this lonely feeling can be. I'm not excited if someone DM my story, not even try to reply their tweet. I was like zombie but without hunting brain and meat, human body but zombie mind.

I don't know why I'm doing this. I took personality test, does my personality change? And the answer is no, same result as usual. I'm extrovert person. I just curious am I change into introvert person. Why suddenly I put my self away from people.

Like I said, I wonder how it feels for being lonely. Lonely in the most deeper point. So I can understand how to survive. I know how to make my self happy, how to find other person to be friend with, how to make my self understand that lonely is not terrifying. Lonely is not that bad, how to turn this loneliness into something meaningful in a good way.

It would be very very naive if put lonely as perfect 'me time' for you, as the best time for you to understand you better. No, it's not. I did not mean 'me time' as alibi for being lonely. 

I believe, every single person in this world, they want someone at least stay by their side. Since we born as social creature, how we can stay away from people that actually we belong with them and they belong with us. 

Somehow I hate statement of differentiate people relationship by personality result. Like extrovert and introvert. Extrovert person can be with anyone but introvert always be alone and hard to reach.

I don't feel that way. Extrovert and introvert is not something we can use to judge people. Who you are, extrovert or introvert, you deserve to have best relationship in your life. Who you are, extrovert or introvert, you can mingle and go out with anyone that belong to you.

What I'm trying to say is, be brave to start. I purposely not to start any personal contact to anyone in last couple weeks. Instead of thinking why people doesn't care about me, do they remember me? Should I die first so they can notice me?

Instead of thinking like that, why we're not start? Maybe they have same thought. Maybe they think same way, why no one contact her/him. Why you're not contact them first?

We should ask them to get out. Why we don't start? What we're waiting for? Somebody out of somewhere will come and knock your door and ask you get out? No way.

It was our fault to think somebody will care about us. We should care about our self and how to do it, as simple as say hi and asking how are you. 

Slowly, I understand. I start to say hi to my friend. Asking what they're doing. Some of them reply, the rest keep being busy. Don't be sad, it was their choice to reply your hi. I'm asking how about if we have coffee time and they replied, when? When we can have that time?

I wish you understand what I mean. You belong to be happy, you deserve to find someone to have coffee time with. You're not alone, you just too shy to start say hi.

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