I believe in you, You already give the best for me

July 26, 2019

How was your day? Hope you always safe and sound wherever you are. Today is just normal Thursday. Polluted air from Jakarta, daily things to be done, eat and drink well. In this normal day, there is someone who is growing in age, someone who discovered the "turning point" in their life. And I'm one of that someone :)

Good things for having digital diary on blog, I read all my birthday diary every year since 2011. I saw my self growing up. When I was 16-18, I'm just talking about wondering have a perfect boyfriend. When I was 19-20, I just want to finish my shit and graduate soon. When I was 21-23, I want to figure it out who I am. 

When I was 24, which mean starting today, I have no wishes but do the best for my self, to be best version of your self. Previously, I always wish something whenever I blow my candle light until today, when everyone cheered "Make a wish!", what's in all my head is...

I closed my eyes and whispered, "God, I believe in you, you already give the best for me" and I blow the candle.

This is part of "turning point" of my life, titik balik dari apa yang sudah terjadi dari 24 tahun yang lalu. I realized, there's no single thing I regret, I just need to embrace for everything that happen to me. Bad or good, every single thing, is a lesson.

The night before my birthday, I said this to my self, please don't post anything on your birthday, mind your surrounding. Just because I post this and you read this, please don't bother your self to say happy birthday to me. 

Because, I'm not as perfect as I remember my birthday's friend, even I forgot to say simple happy birthday to my friend. So, I can't be mad or expect anything from people. When I forgot their birthday, I do really feel  bad. I think like, I can't expect someone to say something for me just because I'm telling anyone that today is my birthday :)

To you, to everyone who know me well. I won't forget you, how could? I always remember memories that we spent together, whenever I see you, I will call you by your name. You don't owe me anything at all and I expect the same. I forgive you for ever feeling wrong and forgive me for offending you intentionally or accidentally.

The best gift today, this morning my mom texted me. "Lidya, I'm happy being your mother". How could my mom proud of me, I did not got scholarship, just stupid girl who got dumped by her ex, clumsy, don't know how to cook well, even I can't afford to buy fancy handbag for my mom. 

But, that words, that simple words, wake me up. Like, you don't have to get scholarship to make your parents proud. Just be who you are, keep fighting to make best version of your self, what parents's dream is not about you to go abroad, but parents dream is to see their son or daughter happy. 

As long as you happy, your parents will happy automatically. Well, not that easy of course, but technically, this concept will work if you embrace and understand this. To whoever read this, hey, it's just a bad day, be confident. Fight for what belongs to you, be your self, no matter how bad it is, your smile is too beautiful to be hidden to everyone :)

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