Part of me that gone, part of me that helped me a lot, part of me that I'm looking for now :)

September 26, 2021

Hi there, how are you?

It's been a while. I just read all my previous blogs and... speechless? It feels like I'm the adult Andy that seeing the flashback playing with Sheriff Woody. And think like, ah... was I like that? How come? Can I get those cells back in my brain? That cell, the cell that has accompanied and influenced my life when I was struggling alone, now I don't know where she is. Was it because her job was done?

Have you ever saw an Inside Out movie? or maybe just K-drama that ongoing Yumi's cell. It represents that every people's brain is split into different cell personalities. Sense, emotion, anger, sadness, happiness, and many more. Those cells have their own job to helps the person itself perform to the world. 

I'd like to tell you about the cell part of me, which in its time was working very well. Have you ever actually been alone but didn't feel alone? That was me before having what I have now.

When I'm sad, it's that part of me that keeps me up. It's the cell that says that all is well. Cells that accompany my good and bad days. The part of me that tells me to write when I'm alone. The cell that writes down the words for me to read again and again as if they were written by someone else. So that I don't get discouraged so that I don't feel alone.

You know, I used to write a lot to encourage people, that's all sound naive articles, or Idk what other people think about it. In a way, I don't write it for others, even for you, I write it for myself. Who at that time was fragile and needed someone else to encourage me.

When you're down, instead of getting help from others, it's the other half of you that saves you. Yes, only you. 

Back again to my cell which at that time helped me. You know, now I did not see her anymore. I wonder why I do not do write to encourage myself anymore. Is it because I'm happy now? I'm not alone anymore? I have everything that makes me enough?

On the other hand, I'm happy that I don't need it anymore. I'm so happy right now. But also if I could see her, the other half of me, that cell again, I want to thank her and tell her please stay here even though I'm happy, and already become myself.

I wish that cell can keep me encourage, if I succeed to encourage myself, I want to deliver that to other people. So that's why, I try to look at her again on myself, calling her, please back, and let's make other people's day get better and better.

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