Sometimes It Comes, Sometimes It Gone

June 14, 2014

It has been a long time I didn't face my blog and I miss it so bad. I was too busy to find who am i and things change and i should face it by my own self. Cause time is more valueable than money, I think more and more about all decision I made. Like I lost someone who treat me well but I cant explain the reason why. At least, I need to walk alone for this time. It doesn't mean I didn't need someone but it just about the time. I still not ready, not yet, not now. I should continue my mysterious journey and guessing what happen tomorrow.

I always asking to my self, what do you want really? Of course, i wants happiness, everyone wants it right? But why something good seems bad and something bad seems good. I'm eighteen now, almost nineteen, actually. So I'm not a child anymore, my teens gonna end, and I should prepare my self to be young adult. Finding love in this age is not easy like when you still fifthteen. Love is not a game, love is like tell you, give you, and treat you that could impact to what kind of you now and tomorrow.

After my long journer to be lover, i met boys who act like asshole, kind, posesive, lovely, arrogant, and more. I think i didn't waste my time, I learn so much things from my past and i realize. I realize, that something we always expect is come fast and gone faster than it comes first. Like I hope when I'm a single and i need someone so bad to be with me. I act like stupid and I think i lost my mind obsesed with someone who gonna date with other girl. Then I got relationship and I'm so happy. So happy--only for a while. Then I realize again, i won't hurt someone cause of my selfishness. So i tried to act like what i suppose to be. I do, i could do that. But finally i can't do more. Then i lost again.

I'm not inspired by Elsha from Frozen but really I need freedom too. I want to let it go everything behind me, turn away and slam the door. Yea, something like that.
And now i just let everything happen. Let it flow but still under my command. It's okay I'm alone now, it's not a joke or something, but really, I need to repair my character and going to be a good woman.

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