Muda dan Pilihan: Young and Decisions

July 08, 2014

After we pass our long journey, of course we learn so much things. It could be experiences, moments, and anything. Happiness, sadness, disappointed, and more feelings just like a rainbow paints the sky after rain fall. We know we life here, in this whole world, we have limited time. No one from us know when our time go to the end.

Me, my age go to 19th in the next 18 days from now on. I cant imagine how time went so fast and I realize I didn’t change so much since I become teenager. In my age, I’m in the middle of teen and adult. It depends on my own, am I choose to be teen or adult one? If I choose to be teen, I could be selfish and keep doing silly think without thinking twice to make a decision. If I choose to be adult, I should be more consistent with my commitment, I should find who am I, what I suppose to be to do. You know, I love very much to be teenager. Have so many time with friend, didn’t think so much about future, have fun with my own time, and feel free, no once could bothering me include responsibility. But when I stand on the adult side, all my ego and selfish gone. I should think everything behind and future carefully, responsibility is my priority. And we talk about consistence, I still doubt about who am I and what I should do beside my impress management to be.

For example, wearing hijab everyday. Mom told me, after announcement that I become collegian, she said I should wear hijab in collage so peoples will respect you. But, deep in my heart, I still want to explore my self, I cant keep my consistent to wear hijab, I still doing selfies and upload it in some my social media. I know, people would less respect me, but how? Indeed I didn’t find my comfortableness wearing hijab. I just, I just doing what I have to do like mom said. I’m sorry, I know, I can read your mind when you read this one.

In another moment, when my friend and me were shopping (as girl activity), I looking for some new dress or T-shirt for my lil sister and brother, and moms too. And then my friend told me, “How many your sibling?”
I answered. “Two. And I’m the oldest. Why?”
“No doubt. You looks wiser than your age, you have two sibling and you’re the oldest one.”
When she said that, I realize. I know, I have two siblings and I love them so much. They still younger than me, 7th and 2nd years old. Can you imagine how wise I am to be elder sister?

Now, I realize again, I take my decision about who am I and what I suppose to be. My age, I’m not a teen that full of selfish anymore. Yet I’m not an adult one, cause I should know more and understand about responsibility, consistence, and commitment. Like I said before, I’m in the middle of teen and adult. I just I am. A girl with a thousand expectation on her life, a million hopes for her dream, and she has a tank of heart that full of loves for everyone she mean to.

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